Week 19 -- March 30 - April 5, 2009

Week 19 -- March 30 - April 5, 2009

Monday March 30
Start of the week.... hope this is going to be one of those weeks that will fly by fast!
Went for bloodwork this morning, will know the results next week when I go for the pre-natal checkup.

Tuesday March 31
The insurance guy from KOC came to our house tonight. This guy, Jamie L, is much better than Sunny S (the last insurance guy with the KOC before Joe transferred to a different council). Jamie is good, and the most imporatant of all, he is not pushy at all. On the other hand, Sunny is more like a use-car salesman! Anyway, we are getting life insurance of the baby. Policy will be written up 15 days after the baby is born!

Wednesday April 1
Joe had an interview with Patti Milan, the area commissioner for the nepean area. Joe has been pretty active with the scouts this past year, and for this upcoming year, he is going to be group commissoner with the 25th Nepean Scout Group. Between the KOC and the Scouts, I hardly see Joe these days. At this point, I am still ok, but things will change when I become cumbersome later on in the pregnancy. I really wish that he will cut back on his involvement with the Scouts (in the meantime, I support him 200% with his involvement with KOC as his council is struggling to keep enough members!) and spend more time with me now, and then with the baby in the fall. Well, one can only wish right?

I am an official Avon Sales Representative! I have never thought about becoming an Avon Rep until recently. I love Skin So Soft! And for $20 I got myself signed up as a rep and I can order products for myself! Ha! No need to go through another pushy sales representative! I also got my very first customer, she is the wife of a Knight!

Thursday April 1
I have been having some weird sensations in my tummy. I am not sure if that is what people called "Gas Bubbles", a.k.a. fetal movements. It feels just funny! I tried to google "first fetal movement" and all it says is it feels like gas bubbles. Ok, seriously, what are gas bubbles????

I can't believe I have been waiting for a week to watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice... only to find out that they were both re-runs! :-( This is just not fair at all!

Friday April 2
I did not feel too well today at work. Weird sensations in the tummy and also some mild discomfort. Joe and I left work a bit early so that I could go home and put my feet up.

Annette is making a Christening gown for the baby! She showed me pictures of the pattern... and both Joe and I love the design! Annette is a fast knitter, and I am sure by the time I post this weekly update blog, she would have then finished the gown!

Joe went for Scouts' training tonight, and I was again, home alone with bee bee! In the past, before I got pregnant, I sort of enjoyed having the house all by myself. Lately, I have developed a mild insecurity feeling everytime Joe leaves me alone in the house. What if something happen to me? Who is going to drive me to the hospital? Gosh, I really hope that we have families in Ottawa!

Saturday April 4
I drove Joe to his training this morning in Manotick. I then went to pick up a few nursing bras for myself. When I did the bra measurement online this morning, I was astonished to find out that I have silently moved from a 36A (pre-pregnancy) to a 38C. When I went to Thyme Maternity this afternoon for a bra fitting, I was even more surprised to find out that I am a proud "40C"! Mom already warned me that I will probably go up one size towards the end of the pregnancy. I bought one bra at Thyme Maternity (gosh, they are not even close to "sexy" at all, but I must say they are functional!) as they are not cheap at all! While I was at Thyme Maternity, I also picked up a few t-shirts that are 70% off! I can't wait for the spring/summer merchandises to come in!
We stayed in for dinner tonight... I made "The Way We Stir" -- Sirloin steak stirfry!

Sunday April 5
We missed Church this morning as Joe was doing laundry and totally forgot about the time... while I was sitting in the car, waiting for him.
We went out to Kanata for dim sum (well Joe suggested we tried out a new chinese place, Hong Chow) Unfortunately, they do not serve dim sum only buffet! Well, we tried it and it was not good at all.
In the afternoon, we went for a baby's show at the Kanata Holiday Inn Select.

... My almost 20 weeks belly pic...!

From Drop Box

Week 18 -- March 23 - 30, 2009

Week 18 -- March 23 - 30, 2009

Monday March 23
Found out on the weekend that Joe's dad fell off the roof. The news came on the weekend and it really surprised us both. Joe is really worried but due to the distance, we could not be there for Carl and Sandy.

Tuesday March 24
Found out at work that I am going to San Diego for training in April! Yay! Managed to talk Joe going with me as he has never been. This is going to be a fun trip.

Joe and I sent flowers to Carl... though we can't be there for him, we think flowers will help to lift his spirits a bit!

Wednesday March 25
Not much happened today. Except that I think I really "popped" last night. Seriously, my belly grew overnight! Now, I no longer look like I am "fat", rather I look more like I am actually pregnant!

Thursday March 26
Bad news! I am not going to San Diego anymore... long sigh! Business decision!
A few of my coworkers commented that I looked "drained" and pale today. I was pretty exhausted today, though I had a good night sleep last night. I was so tired that we did not go to the pre-natal class.

Friday March 27
Now... I know why I was so tried yesterday! My throrid level must be really low. I have been on medication since I was 16 yrs old. My doctor warned me that my thyroid medication probably need to be adjusted throughout this pregnancy. I totally forgot that I had to go in for blood work like a month ago!

Saturday March 28
Joe and I had waffles for breakfast this morning... yummy waffles. I guess I am a werid person, as I like my waffles cold!
We went car-shopping this morning. Customer service at Kanata Toyata sucks! We were there for 20 mins and they could not seem to find a sales rep to help us. I was so mad that I told the receptionist that they had lost the sales commission on a 2010 Toyota Matrix... and I then walked out. Joe was mad because I was mean. Hey, we were there to give them our business, if they could not even show a slight interest in us... we might as well take our business elsewhere right? Joe does not have experience buying a new car... and that's where I come in to help negotiating the terms and prices.

Sunday March 29
Looks like Joe's uncle and his family are coming to town. Ever since, I am pregnant, cooking an elaborated dinner is next to impossible. That's why, Joe and I agreed on having a small and simple easter dinner this year, and we are only going to invite my friend Virigina to come over for dinner. Looks like Joe is going to invite his uncle and family (4 people) to our house for dinner.... as much as I am glad that Joe is happy that his family is coming to visit... well, so much for my simple yet small easter dinner... let's hope that I won't be sick after cooking the dinner.

Week 17 March 16 - 22

Monday: I think I really over-did it on the weekend. I felt sick when I woke up this morning. Headache and cramps. I managed to drag myself out of the bed and went to work. I sped through all my monday reports and left the office at 12noon. I spent the entire afternoon sleeping on the couch, with bee bee on my lap.

Tuesday: Oh, this is not good! Headache came back (I took one Tynenol last night before going to bed. I have been a very good girl since I found out I am pregnant! No OTC, even though the doctor says Tynenol is safe to take. I fought all day Sunday and Monday against the headache but had to surrender around 10pm monday night). Cramps is still lingering, but not as bad as Monday. I decided to take it easy today, stay home and put my feet up while watching TV.

Wednesday: I called the doctor's office to find out the results of the IPS testing. And it is NEGATIVE! What a great relief!!! I e-mailed dad & mom, carl and sandy right away!!!!! Tonight, we had barbecue first time of the year! Bee Bee was so happy running around in the backyard.

Thursday: No prenatal class tonight! March break. Instead of working on the baby's blanket, I watched Grey's Anatomy instead! McDreamy really needs to work hard to apologize to Meredith!

Friday: I love Fridays! Facial tonight at 7pm... then off to getting baking supplies for tomorrow morning! I am going to make Berried Treasures (Blueberry Muffins) for Joe for breakfast!

Saturday: I surprised Joe with a super healthy breakfast freshly baked Blueberry Muffins (recipe from Crazy Plates), Mixed berries Smoothies and low fat yoghurt with blackberry, sliced peaches and granola! Joe loved the surprise! At noon, I went for a regular checkup at the dentist. Found out I have a minor cavity and I need to check with the OB / GYN to see if it is ok to fill it (although the dentist assured me three times that it is ok to fill the cavities during pregnancy, but just to be on the safe side, I am going to check with Dr. Dy on April 9.) In the afternoon, I took Bee Bee to the spa, Virigina and I went shopping while waiting for Bee Bee. I bought "What to Expect in the First Year". I figure it is better to read up on parenting while things are not that hectic at this stage of the pregnancy. By the time I got home around 4:30pm, I was completely exhausted and I was in bed by 9:30pm.

Sunday: Woke up feeling really refreshed and charged this morning! Joe and I went to the 10am Mass at S.E.A.S. and then we headed out to Kanata for dim sum then car shopping. Lilttle did we know that car dealerships are closed on Sundays! We did have a good walk at the Kanata Automall, and we will need to go back next Saturday. On our way home, we bought a Graco - Disney's Playpen at Walmart.

From Drop Box

Week 16 March 9 - 15

Now that the baby is healthy, and we have weathered out the storm. Our life is once again, back to normal! What a great relief.

I know that Joe's mom and his sister Carla have not e-mailed Joe once after the incident. I also know that Joe feels hurt. He keeps it to himself very well, but being his wife, I simply know that he is hurting inside. I wrote him another letter to send him support and courage and I am sure, this will soon be water under the bridge.

As I am now officially in the second trimester, morning sickeness is gone! I am soooo glad! It seems that my life is gradually getting back to normal and my energy has also picked up a bit.

Joe and I signed up for a pre-natal class organized by the City of Ottawa. It is a 6-week course (that only costs us $36!). Although the nurse is not too organized, her handouts are very informative! Joe and I especially like the fact that we can interact with other expectant parents!

Monday: We made our very first baby's purchase! A convertible baby crib from Costco! We paid $640. We had been to Toysrus twice to look at cribs. I found one with Mom in Vancouver, but Joe thinks that it is not sturdy enough. Then we saw one at Costco, and being Costco's employees, we know the quality has to be top-of-the-line or Costco won't be bringing the item in. We quicky made the deicison to buy the crib. Unfortunately, our car is not big enough to fit the crib (it comes in three big boxes). With Joe's friend's help, we finally brought the cirb home. My parents gave us red packets for Chinese New Year... and we used the money towards buying this crib! Thanks Gong Gong and Pao Pao for the crib!

From Drop Box

Tuesday: Nothing much happened today except that we picked up the baby's crib mattress at costco! We paid $49.99 plus tax. The exact same mattress is selling for $89.99 at Toysrus!

Friday: Joe and I went out for Vietnamese Pho in our neighbourhood. We ran into Joe's friends, Mark Kelly and his family. Mark and his wife have just had a baby boy. He looked so cute in the baby carrier! Ok.. now I need a bunting bag! (something to put on top of the carseat when the weather is cold!)

Saturday: It was a fun-filled day! Annette and I went shopping for baby's clothes. We went to Boomerang Kids -- a well-known and well-established consignment store in Ottawa. We went to the one on Bank Street, the one in Westboro and the one in Kanata. While we were out shopping, the husbands (Joe and Barry) helped out with a Parish Food Drive. We met up for lunch at Broadway. After lunch, Annette and I went to Wal-mart and she showed me the baby's department! I bought Pampers' New Born Diaper as it was on sale. $11.99 for a bag of 40 diapers!

Sunday: Joe and I went to Church in the morning. The priest delivered a beautiful yet poweful homily. A homily that I could really relate to what happened two weeks ago. Words are powerful; if used incorrectly, could cause irrevocable damage to people around us. After chruch, Joe went for a haircut, and then we drove out to Boomerang Kids in Kanata to pick up a baby's swing that I put a hold on! I saw it the day before with Annette, but silly me that I could not make up my mind then. Anyway, we got it! It is a Graco's Sweetpeace Soothing System for Infant. Toysrus sells it for $289.99!
This soothing system cost at least double than a regular swing. Being the Queen of Google, I read tons of positive reviews about this system. This soothing system is designed to stimulate the comfort of the womb with customized touch, sound, sights and movement.

From Drop Box

Carl and Sandy called Sunday afternoon when I was napping. They were in Florida for a week and got home Saturday night. Joe told me that they are buying the baby a stroller! Thanks Grandpa Carl and Grandma Sandy for the gift!

Week 15 March 2 - 8

This past week has been extremely stressful for Joe and me.

To make the long story short, un-necessary family drama can really pose a lot of strain in a pregnant woman. I think the root of the family drama is jealously, insecurity, anger, fear to lose control, manipulation, bully etc. To me, it was a joke. Simply a joke. Once again, I feel sorry for my husband for taking the heat from his family. On the other hand, I blame him of not speaking up for himself for too long.

I spotted on Friday February 27 when Joe told me the family drama he had been dealing for the whole week. Spotting stopped but the cramps did not, it started Friday night and went all the way up till Tuesday morning. I goggled spotting and cramps Saturday morning, and I knew the there was a chance that I might be experiencing a miscarriage. I was too afraid to tell my mom when she called Saturday night. I was simply too afraid to deal with what if my suspicion came true.

Joe and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and he had never seen me in a state of distress and despair the weekend of Feb 28 / March 1. The fact that I was in despair sent Joe to the land of heartache. Joe knows all along that there has been tension between his mom and me, but he has chosen to remain silent. He thinks by doing that, he would do no harm to each party. Little did he know that he was causing me a great deal of pain by not standing up for me. People often say that hormones change drastically during the first trimester of pregnancy. I did not experience it until this troublesome weekend. I could not stop crying; I cried when we were driving home from work, I cried when I was writing my blog, I even cried myself to sleep. In a nutshell, I was a nerve-wreck. The burden of stress was unbearable that I lost a few pounds that weekend.

Joe wrote a long yet heart-felt e-mail to his mom and his two sisters, outlining the so called "issues" his mom and his sister raised after reading my blog. Later on, Joe’s sister Melissa even admitted that Joe’s mom and his sister Carla were reading my blog, solely to find dirt. I started having my own blog since Joe and I were engaged. The blog's primary purpose is to keep track of all the wedding details. When the wedding was over, I was lost for a while as I did not know what to write on my blog. I soon developed an interest in cooking, so the blog turned into my own culinary experience. When I found out I was pregnant in Nov, I decided to turn this blog to my pregnancy blog.

My blog is my diary. I write from my heart, from my perspectives. Sugar-coating anything is not my style of writing, and at the same time, I have no intentions to write anything malicious on my blog. I write what I saw, what I heard and what I experienced. For those people who do not accept the "truth", they should not be visiting my blog in the first place. If they think that they can find “dirt” in my blog, then they are just wasting their time.

From what I gathered, here are the issues that Joe's mom and Joe's sister Carla brought up after reading my blog:

1. Joe's mom is mad that she is not the first to know I am pregnant. I am extremely close to my parents, and of course, they should be the first to know. They found out when I was 4 1/2 weeks pregnant. Our friends, Barry and Annette found out when I was about 6 weeks pregnant. When Joe finally called his family about the news, I asked that he called my in laws, Carl and Sandy first, as I am closer to them than anyone else in Joe's family. For all the things Joe's mom did and said about me, why should she be the first to know about the good news?

2. Joe's mom is mad that she found out I am closer to my in laws, Carl and Sandy than her. Mere jealously. She thinks that she is losing control, which she had never had over me anyway. Joe later on explained to her that my in laws have never said anything bad about me, and they have been nothing by supportive to Joe and me. It is what it is, and if she has a problem with this, then it is just something she needs to deal with as my bond with Sandy will not change just because she is mad. Since the day Joe and I were engaged, the things she said about me are simply beyond comprehension. She challenges every decision I made:
-- She commented that we spent too much on our first home. Real estates in Saint John, NB are completely different than the real estates in Ottawa. What does she know about housing in Ottawa?
-- She asked why we needed a landline as Joe has never had a landline and he was just fine. A landline costs less than $30 a month, and we need the landline to connect with the home security system.
-- She asked why we needed a home security system. She "thinks" that only rich people need home security system. If she has ever been to Vancouver or Toronto, she would then understand that having a home security system is as common as having a HD TV at home.
-- After I paid off her credit card balance in the December of 2006, she asked that I deleted her bank account inforamtion off my computer so that I could not mess around her account. Ok... let's face it. Other than keep putting money in her account, what "mess" could I possibly do? I had helped her financially twice, and not once was she grateful of my help. Instead she told Joe that I was mean and rude, and had no right to tell her that Joe and I could no longer help her out financially anymore (after I explained to her that we were saving up for the wedding and for the house!) Seriously... this is unreal?
I have kept my mouth shut for the longest time ever as I know that she is always the trigger point of every heated argument I have with Joe. At one point, Joe and I both agreed that our world should not revolve around his mom as she has no bearings in our life as a married couple. Through times, we have learned to steer our conversation away from his mom, and our married life has improved a lot.

3. Joe's mom is mad that Joe was upset when he got his Christmas present this year. Joe was upset (though later on, Joe claimed that he was not furious, but I knew he was mad) that his mom would not even put my name on the Christmas card she sent Joe. To me, it does not bother me if my name was on that card or not. To Joe, it means a great deal. I can't help but wonder, for this coming Christmas, will she simply address the card to, "To my son and my grandchild". To me, her act was childish and she was trying to prove a point that she still has control over her son.

4. Joe's sister Carla, on the other hand, I have never had any ill feelings towards her until this past weekend. Although I do not agree with the way she over-rewards her children with tons of material things. But I am not a mom yet, so what do I know right? My theory is simple. As long as her actions do not cost me or my family any harm, it is none of my business. This past weekend, she bullied me, and she threatened me. She said that I have no right to mention her son's name in my blog. She said that I should not have mentioned that her son has a brain tumor / cyst. She kept insisting that a cyst is different than a tumor. Being the queen of Google, I found out that a cyst is a type of tumor, a benign tumor. Reason I mentioned the brain cyst on my blog is that I am worried that the cyst runs in Joe's family and that our child will somehow get this cyst. I am a typical mom-to-be, and I simply want to make sure my child is healthy. Joe asked her once if she can get the proper medical name of this cyst as my OB / GYN needs to know in order to narrow down the chance of hereditary. She replied saying that she can't remember the name. I find this hard to believe as she is the mother of the child, and how could she not remember the name. I really think that she does not want to share information, which I find this unreasonable.

5. She kept calling our house, left tons of messages, asking me to take down her son's name off my blog. E-mails turned to annoying e-mails, and annoying e-mails turned to threatening e-mails. Before I got the annoying e-mail, I was ready to go and reword my blog a bit as I did not want Joe to get trapped in the middle in this. When I got her last e-mail, I was furious! My anger was beyond a normal person could understand. I was bullied and I was threatened. She sure had no right to do this to me! A coworker told me once that I fight like a pitbull. I never truly understand this comment until this past Sunday night. I do not believe in bullying and manipulation, I do not bully people and I expect others will not bully me at the same time. The fact that Joe's sister Carla bullied and threatened me is unforgivable. I understand that she was mad and she was frustrated. However, she has to understand that she needs to be responsible for her own actions. What she said on her e-mail has created a permanent crack in my limited and superficial relationship with her. She demanded that she has a right to come to Ottawa to visit Joe and the baby, and made it clear that I will not be in the picture, and that I have no right to refuse her visit. I am not sure if she is a logical person or not. How could she come to visit her brother and the baby but not me? She said this just to insult me. Little did she know that she also insulted her brother at the same time. If she has trouble accepting her brother's family, then she should not be coming to Ottawa. After this incident, I e-mailed her (and cc Joe, so there won't be any he said, she said situation) and asked that she stops e-mailing me, as I do not wish to have any further communications with her.
I made it very clear to Joe that his sister Carla is not welcome in our home. She caused me a great deal of stress and pain and that's probably why I had cramps for three days in a row. She had put my life and my baby's life in danger. In my eyes, she is dangerous and she is going to hurt my child. Being a mom, I fight like a pitbull to protect my child. What I experienced this past weekend was unreal and I could not believe that people, who claim to love Joe very much, are the people actually caused my baby's harm. I have no reason to forgive Carla for what she had done. Not being able to come visit the baby and not being able to be part of the baby’s life will be a price she needs to pay for her wrong-doings. Had she been rational, she would have known that she had gone too far to hurt his brother's wife and the baby, and the damages she single-handedly caused could not be un-done and she will never be forgiven by her brother's family.

OB / GYN appointment was on March 4. The night before the doctor's appointment I wrote Joe two letters. One letter for him to read if in fact, I lost the baby. The other one was for him to read if the baby was healthy. I gave him both letters the morning of the appointment and asked him only to read one of the two letters after the doctor's appointment. Joe does not follow instructions very well and I later found out that he read both letters before the appointment.

I was relieved when I heard the heart beat of the baby. It was 150 bpm. I almost had tears in my eyes when I heard the heartbeat. I told the doctor what happened on the weekend, and she was very sympathetic and asked that I take things easy for the next little while, as I am the life-line of the baby. Whatever stress I feel, the baby feels the stress 10x stronger.

When I got home from the appointment, I called my mom immediately to let her know that the baby was fine. She was also relieved too! She only asked Joe to protect me from his mom and his sister, and not to cause me and the baby any more un-necessary harm.

I then e-mailed Carl and Sandy and let them know that the baby was ok. The day before the doctor's appointment, I received a very heart-felt e-mail from them. I told them the chaos on the weekend and they sent us a very encouraging e-mail and asked us to be strong and stay united as a couple. I can't thank them enough for their kind words and support!

Despite of all the negativities, I got a few positive things out of this chaos:

1. Dad and mom are very supportive. They are happy that I am pregnant, and that they will be having their very first grandchild. However, they put my health first over anything and in no way, do they see me as a mere vehicle to give them a grandchild.

2. My in laws, Carl and Sandy are also very supportive and caring. I feel that my bond with Sandy has once again, strengthened. She truly understands how an outsider to the Vautour's family feels. I feel that I am not alone in this battle!

3. My husband Joe... I started to see him from a different perspective. He had never stood up for me in front of his family, and I've always thought that he would never do it. Before I was pregnant, I was fine with it as I was strong enough to fight all the non-sense that came my way. With this pregnancy, I feel vulnerable, something completely foreign to me. I was surprised that my husband had the courage to stand up for me in front of his mother. He was very irritated by all his mom's wrongful accusations and excuses. He finally told his mom and his sister Carla that enough is enough. This was the time I started to feel a stronger bond with Joe, and that I have a true appreciation of Joe’s courage and persistence. Our marriage has strengthened. He has proved to me that our marriage is sacred that no one can shatter, and that no one will stand in between us. Joe and I will continue to stand united a couple to fight all the non sense that comes our way.

4. Joe's sister Melissa. I have always liked her. She is the reasonable one in Joe's family. She sent us an e-mail Sunday afternoon. It was a warm e-mail. She was afraid that we would cut her off because of what Joe's mom and Carla did. She asked us to be in Hailey's life and at the same time, she hopes that she can also be in our baby's life. She has never said anything bad about me. She has never done anything to destroy my marriage, and she has never caused me pain and stress. I see no reason why she should not be in our life. I am glad that Joe and Melissa are close, and that Joe can really talk to Melissa. She reasons and she understands!

5. God. My faith in God has never diminished. In fact, my faith in God had strengthened in the past weekend. When I was in despair and that I thought Joe would side with his mom once again, I turned to God for help. I asked God to grant me strength and courage to deal with the chaos that Joe's mom, once again, created in our life. I asked God to put perspectives in Joe's mom so that she could understand that I did not steal her son away from her. I asked God to help Joe's mom to understand that by asking Joe to choose between her and me, she is causing Joe a great deal of pain and that she is also creating inevitable fallout with Joe. The story of Footprints occurred in my mind at least a dozen times during that weekend. I kept reciting the following phrase in my head:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

What would happen if we treat our bible the same way we treat our cell phone?

Can you imagine what would happen if we treated our bible the same way we treat our cell phone?

If we always carried our bible in our wallet, briefcase, on our belt, or in our purse?

And if we looked through it several times a day?

And went back to look for it when we forget it at home or at the office?

And if we used it to send messages to our friends?

And acted like we couldn't live without it?

And gave it as a gift to our young ones, for their own protection, and in order to stay in constant communication with them?

And took it with us whenever we travel, just in case of an emergency?

Unlike a cell phone, the bible never loses it signal:

We can connect with it anywhere.

We don't have to worry about being low on minutes, because Jesus already paid the bill, and the minutes are unlimited.

And, best of all, there are no dropped calls, and the battery never loses its charge.

"Search for Jehovah, you people, while he may be found. Call to him while he proves to be near." (Isaiah 55:6)

Emergency numbers:

When you are sad, dial John chapter 14.

When people talk about you, dial Psalm 27.

When you are nervous, dial Psalm 51.

When you are worried, dial Matthew 6: 19, 34.

When you are in danger, dial Psalm 91.

When God seems far off, dial Psalm 63.

When your faith needs strengthening, dial Hebrews 11.

When you are alone and afraid, dial Psalm 23.

When you are being harsh and critical, dial 1 Corinthians 13.

To find the secret to happiness, dial Colossians 3:12-17,

When you are sad and alone, dial Romans 8:31-39.

When you are full of fear, dial 1 John 4:18.

When you desire peace and rest, dial Matthew 11:25-30.

When the world seems greater than God, dial Psalm 90.

A Hilarious Birth Plan

Here is an excerpt from the Michelle Henry's article in the Toronto Star on writting her birth plan.


Hi, my name is Michele and I'm in labour. This panic-stricken man to my right, fumbling with my health card, overnight bag and a pack of diapers, is my husband Ted. He will be the only one with me in the delivery room – besides the requisite assortment of nurses and doctors, of course.

But, if nothing's going on and I'm clothed – either in the mumu-type robe I brought to wear or a fastened hospital gown – please do not stop my family from coming in to say hi.

They will undoubtedly be loitering in the hallway.

By now, you've probably noticed that I'm wincing in pain and pretty grumpy. I'll take that epidural the first moment the on-call anesthesiologist is around to administer it. Ideally, I'd wait until I've dilated to four or five centimetres, but I've heard too many horror stories about busy ER nights and low priority preggers.

If the needle doctor won't be around for a while, please let me know. I'll consider my other pain-control options, such as Demerol or a frying pan to the head.

Please monitor the baby's vitals any way you deem proper. I trust in physicians, as my family is replete with them. Still, I'd like to be kept informed and abreast of my options at every turn.

Ted and I will try to amuse ourselves for the next 30-some hours until the baby decides conclusively it would like to leave my womb.

At this large hospital, I'm guessing a young, inexperienced resident will deliver our child. Please make sure he or she is, at least, confident. If not, I will eat said doc-in-training's liver.

Nurses can come and go from my room as they please, just don't tell me how to breathe or to calm down. I'll get annoyed and yell at the already insecure resident.

Under no circumstances will I submit to an episiotomy. Push the baby back in. I'll have a C-section.

Ted will cut the cord. Please fulfill the cord blood kit.

However the baby comes out, vaginally or through surgery, after it passes it's APGAR tests, please make sure to give it the requisite eye drops and vitamin shots as soon as possible. Please wipe the Lentil down, so it can't squirm from my undoubtedly clammy grip, and then let me have him or her. My husband and I will fight to hold our first-born. Ignore us. We're just happy.

If this child's parents are indisposed, we permit the nurses to announce to our relatives the baby's gender. They've been pacing for long enough. They deserve to know immediately.

If the birth goes as planned – fantastic! If it's totally different – fantastic! Frankly, I just want it over with. A healthy baby and a speedy recovery are truly my only goals.

Unless, someone can find me an Aladdin's lamp.