A Little Canadian Humor

A Little Canadian Humor
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from

September through May,

You may live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store

Offers you assistance and they don't work there,

You may live in Canada.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You may live in Canada.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation

With someone who dialed a wrong number,

You may live in Canada.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere

South of Detroit for the weekend,

You may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours,

You may live in Canada.

If you know several people

Who have hit a deer more than once,

You may live in Canada.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'

In the same day and back again,

You may live in Canada.

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow

During a raging blizzard without flinching,

You may live in Canada.

If you install security lights on your house and garage,

But leave both unlocked,

You may live in Canada.

If you carry jumpers in your car

And your wife knows how to use them,

You may live in Canada.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume

To fit over a snowsuit,

You may live in Canada.

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --

You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,

You may live in Canada.

If driving is better in the winter

Because the potholes are filled with snow,

You may live in Canada.

If you know all 4 seasons:

Almost winter, winter, still winter,

And road construction,

You may live in Canada.

If you have more miles

On your snow blower than your car,

You may live in Canada.

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly',

You may live in Canada.

If you actually understand these jokes,

And forward them to all

Your Canadian friends & others,

You definitely live in Canada.

To Judge or Not To Judge

READ: Matthew 7:1-21

Judging Others
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Ask, Seek, Knock
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

The Narrow and Wide Gates
13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

A Tree and Its Fruit
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Judge not, that you be not judged. —Matthew 7:1
What better way to tell people to mind their own business than to quote Jesus? People who seldom read the Bible are quick to quote Matthew 7:1 when they want to silence someone whose opinion they don’t like. “Judge not, that you be not judged” seems like the perfect response.

In context, however, the passage indicates that we are indeed to judge; we’re just supposed to avoid faulty judgments. Furthermore, our judgments are to begin with self: “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye,” Jesus said (v.5). He then said, “Beware of false prophets” (v.15). This too requires judging—we need to be able to discern truth from falsehood.

Jesus used the metaphor of fruit to give us the proper criteria for judging. “By their fruits you will know them” (v.20). We are to judge people (including ourselves) by the quality of the fruit they produce. This fruit cannot be judged by earthly values such as how good we look (v.15). It must be judged by heavenly values—the fruit of the Spirit produced within us—love, joy, peace (Gal. 5:22).

Our tendency is to judge by appearance. But God judges by what we produce, and so should we. — Julie Ackerman Link
They truly lead who lead by love
And humbly serve the Lord;
Their lives will bear the Spirit’s fruit
And magnify His Word. —D. De Haan
Be slow to judge others and quick to judge yourself.