Will you be my friend?

About 10 days ago, I got a friend's request on Facebook. I clicked on the friend's request link, and waited patiently, wondered which of my long lost friends had finally found me. Then a name and the picture of this person appeared on my screen. I was surprised and bewildered. My bewilderment soon turned into anger.

For the longest time in my life, I have this un-shakable resentment toward this person. Every time, when her name gets mentioned in any sort of conversation, my heart twitches, I pull back and become awfully silent. All sorts of bad memories buried deep down once again, resurface. Often time, I feel horrible and mortified. It takes a few days to ease away the invisible dent in my heart. In the beginning, Joe tried to talk me through the incident and make me understand I need closure. Throughout time, Joe understands he is in a catch-22 position and whichever side he picks, he will regret one day. I feel bad for my husband, and I have no intention to put him in that position.

So, why would she add me as a friend on Facebook? I wonder if it is a sign of peace-offering. When I was in kindergarden, a boy pulled my hair. I cried and the teacher put this boy in "time-out". The next day, he brought me a piece of candy and we were friends again. This piece of candy, for sure, is a sign of peace-offering. I guess in modern days, by adding a person you wronged badly in the past on Facebook, it is a sign of peace-offering, which translates into, "I am truly, terribly sorry of what I had said and done. I know I had crossed the line. Can you please forgive me and be my friend again?"

Today, 21 months later. The thought of her makes me angry and sad. I am angry at her. I am angry at what she had said. I am angry at her skillful manipulation. I am angry at the way how she does not need to be responsible for her own actions. Most important of all, I am angry at myself. I am angry at myself, for falling into her trap. I am angry at myself, for letting her ruining my faith in others.

As I logged myself out of Facebook, I clicked "ignore" on the friend's request. I can't help but wonder, will I ever forgive her and bring closure for my own well being?