Unsolicited Advice

Why do people like to offer unsolicited advice?

If I need advice, I will ask. If not, please leave me alone. Joe and I are first-time parents but we are doing the best we can to make the best decision for Bethany.

Starting a conversation like " You know I raised two kids... and you need to listen to me." will not end in a good note. The recipient usually ends up being very upset, hurt and seriously offended.

OK I am venting. Joe thinks I take things too personal. Maybe I am... but I am a new mom... with my hormones all out of whack.

Bethany is only five months old. I do not feel comfortable leaving her with anyone so that Joe and I can go for dinner or movie. Bethany is too young to be left with anyone but her parents and grand-parents. I spend every waking moment with Bethany, and slowly and gradually I have learned Bethany's likes and dislikes. 99% of the time, I can tell what she is fussing about depending on the time of the day. No one knows Bethany better than Joe and I... so how will I be comfortable of leaving Bethany with others? Grand-parents make the best babysitters. They are loving and caring and want nothing but the best for their grandchildren. I have seen how my mom handled Bethany... and if I have to leave Bethany with anyone... and that I am 250% comfortable... it would be my mom... hands down with no question asked.

Bethany is very attached to me. Every baby is attached to his / her mom. Does that mean that Bethany will have lots of problems when she starts day-care? If every baby who is very attached to his / her mom has lots of problems... I am sure no one will want to run a daycare center!

Bethany is starting Daycare in September (Sept 6 to be exact!) and Joe and I already have plans to help Bethany transition from spending most of the time at home with mommy to spending a good 8 hours at a daycare center with other kids. We have a good 8 months to get Bethany ready, and we are confident that we will have enough time to do so. Joe and I are very low-profile people and we do not like to "advertise" our plan. The fact that others do not know this plan does not mean that we are not doing anything to help Bethany to understand. What makes the people think that Bethany will have major meltdowns when she starts daycare?

My current job is a stay-at-home-mom, looking after my baby. That's why I have decided to go on one year maternity leave. This is my job and my life. Spending time with my daughter is precious. Bethany, sometimes, can be a fussy little one, but I enjoy spending every second with her! What makes people think that I do not have a life just because I no longer go out as much as I used to? Things have changed, situations have changed and thus priorities have changed. My number one priority is taking care of my daughter and does that mean I do not have a life?

I think I know best when I am ready to leave Bethany with a babysitter so that Joe and I can go out for a movie or enjoy a romantic candle-lit dinner. Some moms can do it as early as 5 months, but for me, I am not ready at this point. I do not need people to tell me I MUST start going out now. When I am ready, I will do it. If not, please back off and leave me, my husband and my daughter alone! We do not need any un-necessary advice to complicate our lives!I

I spent the whole weekend thinking through the whole incident. I have come to the realization the advice I received last week had sent me to the land of madness. I was super mad, annoyed and offended. Lucky that in the last few months, I have become friends with some other first time mommies and have developed a support network! I discussed my issue with them and they were very supportive and empathetic!

What happened last week had caused a crack in my relationship with Bethany's godmother, Annette. I know she has good intentions and she means well. However, her criticisms on my parenting style was uncalled for, and she had over-stepped her boundaries. Being Bethany's godmother, she will continue fulfil her role as a godmother and guide Bethany in her spiritual growth. At the same time, I have decided (as i can't speak for Joe) to reposition myself to keep her at arm's length.