Zen and the Wisdom in Life

Another week at home for recovery (long sigh....) Other than knitting a shrug, reading tons of fashion and home design magazines and reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and "Queen of Babble in the the Big City" simultaneously, I decided to find time to clean up all the old e-mails since 2006. I then came across the following e-mail from a friend... I figure we all need a little laugh on Monday.:-)

ZEN AND THE WISDOM OF LIFE

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. No one is listening until you fart.

5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,it was worth it.

10. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

11. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.